Archive for January, 2007

Those of you who are fans of The Muppet Show will recognize this classic.

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After seeing a preview of the movie Jesus Camp on YouTube, I decided to skim YouTube to look for clips of the movie. I wanted to see if it was just the way the movie was presented in the preview that made it scary, or if the whole thing was really that chilling.

Unfortunately, to quote the movie, it was only “the tip of the iceberg.”

Below are parts 1 and 2 of a presentation by Nick Gisburne who shows clips of the movie, and offers his thoughts on it.

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Usually, when someone is a pain in my ass, I just ignore them and wait them out.

Just the same, sometimes I just can’t help but punish the annoying.

The other day was, well, one of those times.

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As some of you already know, over the course of my late teenage years, I scared about 12 boyfriends away from a longtime lady-friend of mine. It wasn’t that I was jealous, because I was happily dating the woman I later married. It was because they treated her like meat.

So, over the course of 15 consecutive boyfriends, I employed the same non-violent tactic; I hit on them, mercilessly, like I was trying to steal them away from her. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a genius or because most young men are (sadly) very homophobic, but whatever the reason, I was successful 12 times out of 15.

It wasn’t that hard, so to speak. If I was playing pool with the two of them and he teamed up with me, I’d just thank him for letting me play with his “wood.”

Of the three I failed to drive away, the Achilles’ heel was:

• One came out of the closet and later wanted my phone number
• One was, frankly, too dumb to notice that I was just the side of stroking his johnson
• One, as it turned out, had a sense of humor — he hit on me in return.

As a matter of fact, when he hit on me, I knew he was the one. As it turns out, I was right — they’ve been happily married ever since.

Now, some of you have been wondering how exactly I did what I did. Did I stick my hand down their pants? Did I just flirt innocently? Did I wear pink tights and flex in front of them?

Well, kids, it’s about time I showed you. Take it away, Richard Simmons!

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Those of you who know me also know of a particular thoery I espouse in regards to weekends and Mondays.

Typically, when I have a good weekend, history reflects that I pay for it with an equally bad Monday. If my weekend is so-so, Monday isn’t so bad. It’s been a while since I’ve had a particularly bad weekend, so I can’t fill in the blank there.

Well, Christmas was pretty good, the day-after party was better, and the rest of my time off from work was pretty quiet and relaxing for the most part.

This morning I rolled into work to discover, as the wife was driving away with the car, that I have only two cigarettes.

. . .

It’s already begun.